Roll on Over to Watch the 80s Horror Classic "Critters"

9/11/2021

When looking for cult classic horror movies you can always go back to the well that was the 1980s.  With the blockbuster success of “Gremlins” in 1984, a whole bunch of low-budget imitators came along like “Troll”(1986), “Ghoulies” (1984), and finally “Critters” (1986).  All of which spawned many sequels.  If you were a kid in the 80s looking for horror you’ve no doubt seen this crazy awesome movie a number of times.  Directed by Stephen Hereck, who went on to directed an even bigger cult hit in “Bill & Teds’s Excellent Adventure” shows he has what it takes to make classic memorable movies.

“Critters” sets the weirdness tone early as we begin with a prison break on an asteroid, a group of furry little inmates escape on a ship that eventually lands on Earth.  Hot on their tales are two shapeshifting humanoid bounty hunters who are assigned to destroy these Crites.  Meanwhile, on Earth, we are introduced to the Brown Family, your basic rural midwestern farm in the fictitious town of Grover’s Bend Kansas.  Horror icon Dee Wallace plays the mom (of course). Scott Grimes plays Brad, the main character kid we follow and secretly wanted to be like at that age.  Then we have some typical stock characters types, Charlie, the town drunk with his crazy ideas, the cranky old Sheriff, and Brad’s sister and equally annoying boyfriend Steve, played by Billy Zane.  Brad makes his own M80 firecrackers and explosives and carries a wicked slingshot.

When Charlie reports that he saw a spaceship crash in a nearby field to the Sheriff he is put in the jail cell to sleep it off.  A spaceship has indeed landed on Brad’s farm and a bunch of furry little porcupine creatures with razor-sharp teeth emerge.  The Critters can shoot quills at their victims and can devour anything in sight as we see when they kill a lowly deputy who investigates the crash.  The bounty hunters arrive, while one of them morphs his face into a popular hair metal rockstar Johnny Steele (Terrence Mann), the other guy can’t seem to find a face that agrees with him.  

That night Brad and his dad investigated a strange happening on their property and find a horribly mutilated cow.  Upon returning home they investigate a noise in the cellar and the dad is attacked by one of the Critters.  With the phone lines and electricity cut off, the Brown family is in survival mode as they fight off these Nasty little fury bowling balls.  We then see Brad’s sister April bring Steve up into the barn loft for a little make-out session until it's rudely interrupted by some Critters.  Poor Steve never stands a chance, but this gives her a chance to escape.  The Bounty Hunters, on the other hand, crash the local church, then find themselves creating even more havoc and destruction at the bowling alley with their giant cannon-like guns.  When they reach the Brown family farm, they do a little more destruction.  Brad and April put their own fighting and differences aside to save the day until April is carried off by a giant Critter and put o to their spaceship.  It’s nothing that Brad can’t handle as his handmade explosives come into good use.  But as a final insult, the Critters blow up the family house, just before Brad’s secret blows up their ship.

“Critters” is actually a pretty family-friendly horror film as it’s rated PG-13 for its over-the-top ridiculousness.  All of the characters are fun and relatable.  It’s a low-budget film that feels a Lott bigger than it really is.  The Critters themselves are animatronic puppets who actually emote a surprising amount of personality.  They have their own language, so subtitles are used when they talk which is another great little touch.  The ending of the film obviously sets the scene for possible upcoming sequels.  In total there are five full-length “Critters” films, with the latest one being “Critters Attack!” in 2019.